I got so unhappy during this movie that I had to tweet. Unfortunately, my tweets could not send because the theater had no service, so they are now going to serve as my review. SPOILERS AHEAD! My serious review: this film is not very good. Some feelings from the theater:
– Russell Crowe swimming past fetuses was a bit of an unexpected start to a movie about superheroes. No complaints.
– Superman’s training is a montage of flying past giraffes while Lois searches for him in an IHOP. Perfect.
– And Jonathan goes back for the dog instead of letting SUPERMAN save him. SUPERMAN!
– Current wise male count is at 4 (Perry, Crowe, Costner, weird priest) but Lois shotgunned scotch so it’s feminist, right?
– General Zod possesses all of the tech and futuristic power of Krypton but he really does not get TV.
– “Now is not the time for journalistic integrity.” – Actual quote from Perry White.
– Clark bullied for no reason in front of his father’s work because the incident-to-wisdom process was taking too long.
– Superman’s weakness: Kryptonite and tiny handcuffs.
– THIS MOVIE IS SO SERIOUS, THEY WON’T EVEN SAY THE NAME SUPERMAN!
– Supes is so male, the costume can’t contain the chest hair!
– If I was Lois right now [she has just been captured], I’d be like, “Wait, I’m in space, this is more fun than scary.”
– So they could have just sent everyone from Krypton into space, right? None of this had to happen, right? [Serious question, answers welcome.]
– You know Zack Snyder was like “I’m thinking a ball pit full of skulls!” And the people at the table read murmured and he went, “TOO BAD, WE’RE DOING IT!”
– Russell Crowe is a badass computer program. He doesn’t need the hand motions, but he does them anyway because he is so hardcore.
– “WHERE’S THE TRIGG….I MEAN CODEX!”
– S/o to the guy who ran through the middle of Superman’s battle after everyone locked themselves inside. I would be you.
– Oh you EVOLVED a lack of morality? Sounds like an excuse not to accept Jesus to me.
– 7-11: Official exploding gasoline of super-powered fights
– Sears: Official hardware provider of Jon Kent’s Manly Labor Store
– IHOP: Where Superman goes after battles for a hearty meal and a heartier down home atmosphere.
– Re: previous tweet. IHOP atmosphere even more powerful than rays of yellow sun.
– Should we be concerned with how much Zack Snyder likes to destroy Manhattan?
– Perry White is wise on human philosophy, less wise on when exactly to flee from extraterrestrial gravity guns.
– Building a foundation on bones is impractical Zod, for one thing they’re small and…oh metaphorically? Well that’s just dumb.
– STOP LOCKING ONTO TARGETS, YOU ARE A BAD GUY, JUST SHOOT WHILE YOU HAVE THE CHANCE!
– And now LexCorp?! Will the product placement ever end?!
– “Superheroes shouldn’t wear tights, that’s gay…Oh skintight spandex armored body suits? Sounds badass!”
– Zod’s “If you love them so much…” should have been followed by “Why don’t you marry them!” Then I would have understood the neck break.
– “How do we know you won’t one day act against American interests?” “Because I’m from Kansas!” … “And white!”
– Army: Oh, why didn’t WE think of opening a Black Hole on Earth? That’s why you make the big bucks, Snyder!
– “Eh, Schwarma sounds too ethnic for me, can we just have pancakes?” – Superman
Comment why I should like this movie so I can disagree with you!