Taylor Reinhart Loves Stuff

I Just Saw Man Of Steel And Boy Are My Arms Tired…


Dat grin.

Dat grin

I got so unhappy during this movie that I had to tweet. Unfortunately, my tweets could not send because the theater had no service, so they are now going to serve as my review. SPOILERS AHEAD! My serious review: this film is not very good. Some feelings from the theater:

– Russell Crowe swimming past fetuses was a bit of an unexpected start to a movie about superheroes. No complaints.

– Superman’s training is a montage of flying past giraffes while Lois searches for him in an IHOP. Perfect.

– And Jonathan goes back for the dog instead of letting SUPERMAN save him. SUPERMAN!

– Current wise male count is at 4 (Perry, Crowe, Costner, weird priest) but Lois shotgunned scotch so it’s feminist, right?

– General Zod possesses all of the tech and futuristic power of Krypton but he really does not get TV.

– “Now is not the time for journalistic integrity.” – Actual quote from Perry White.

– Clark bullied for no reason in front of his father’s work because the incident-to-wisdom process was taking too long.

– Superman’s weakness: Kryptonite and tiny handcuffs.

– THIS MOVIE IS SO SERIOUS, THEY WON’T EVEN SAY THE NAME SUPERMAN!

– Supes is so male, the costume can’t contain the chest hair!

– If I was Lois right now [she has just been captured], I’d be like, “Wait, I’m in space, this is more fun than scary.”

– So they could have just sent everyone from Krypton into space, right? None of this had to happen, right? [Serious question, answers welcome.]

– You know Zack Snyder was like “I’m thinking a ball pit full of skulls!” And the people at the table read murmured and he went, “TOO BAD, WE’RE DOING IT!”

– Russell Crowe is a badass computer program. He doesn’t need the hand motions, but he does them anyway because he is so hardcore.

– “WHERE’S THE TRIGG….I MEAN CODEX!”

– S/o to the guy who ran through the middle of Superman’s battle after everyone locked themselves inside. I would be you.

– Oh you EVOLVED a lack of morality? Sounds like an excuse not to accept Jesus to me.

– 7-11: Official exploding gasoline of super-powered fights

– Sears: Official hardware provider of Jon Kent’s Manly Labor Store

– IHOP: Where Superman goes after battles for a hearty meal and a heartier down home atmosphere.

– Re: previous tweet. IHOP atmosphere even more powerful than rays of yellow sun.

– Should we be concerned with how much Zack Snyder likes to destroy Manhattan?

– Perry White is wise on human philosophy, less wise on when exactly to flee from extraterrestrial gravity guns.

– Building a foundation on bones is impractical Zod, for one thing they’re small and…oh metaphorically? Well that’s just dumb.

– STOP LOCKING ONTO TARGETS, YOU ARE A BAD GUY, JUST SHOOT WHILE YOU HAVE THE CHANCE!

– And now LexCorp?! Will the product placement ever end?!

– “Superheroes shouldn’t wear tights, that’s gay…Oh skintight spandex armored body suits? Sounds badass!”

– Zod’s “If you love them so much…” should have been followed by “Why don’t you marry them!” Then I would have understood the neck break.

– “How do we know you won’t one day act against American interests?” “Because I’m from Kansas!” … “And white!”

– Army: Oh, why didn’t WE think of opening a Black Hole on Earth? That’s why you make the big bucks, Snyder!

– “Eh, Schwarma sounds too ethnic for me, can we just have pancakes?” – Superman

Comment why I should like this movie so I can disagree with you!

Advertisements

Thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s